Matt and I are finally back from about 2 weeks of vacation in Massachusetts, New York, and/or various illnesses. It’s been an intense last several days, but I arrived home from NYC to many many packages and RSVP cards waiting for me on the dining room table. In the mail, while I was gone, I got:
- The corsety bustier-things (which I sent back. Torture devices!)
- The new shoes (I tried the navy ones out in NYC and I am convinced they are the right choice for the longest comfort during the day)
- The dark gray silk chiffon for the overlayer of my dress
- Buckles and end tabs for the groomsmen’s belts
- Groomsmen’s vests (the buttons need changing out!)
- A new camera (this came to Matt’s parents’ house, along with the vests)
- Various bits and bobs that a couple of weeks of searching on eBay have brought.
This last vacation is likely our last big break before the wedding. Kind of scary, really, but actually really exciting at the same time. We’re getting really close to being able to start taking care of a lot of the projects that are dependent on a headcount. The RSVP deadline is next Friday, but I’ll give people a little leeway. Life happens and it’s sometimes hard to remember to send those little cards in. We’ve also had several people want to keep them instead of returning them. Matt would like to collect them, though, so we’ll be getting more printed up to have at the wedding for favors.
Now for some less silly updates.
As we’re approaching the time when things are really getting started, I’ve had a little time to reflect on what this whole big party is all about. It’s about me and Matt creating a day that we will enjoy. Surrounding ourselves with our loved ones is a part of that, but ultimately, we won’t be able to make all 165 people invited to this wedding happy. It’s just impossible. No one knows how to do that.
We’re going to do our best to make sure no one has a horrible time, but I can’t promise that we’ll be able to say hello to everyone or take photos with everyone or do the things that everyone expects of the bride and groom at the wedding. We have to have boundaries. If we spend the whole time worrying about keeping everyone else happy, we won’t enjoy the day ourselves. I want us to EAT at this wedding, and I want us to PLAY games on the lawn and I want us to DANCE. I don’t completely know how to make sure that happens, but it is important to me to feel like we will be allowed to do so.
Matt and I have spent the last 18+ months carefully planning and making decisions about this day. While some people might disagree with us about some of these decisions, we feel that they were made in good faith, to help us create a day that we will enjoy. I have had some criticism that some of these decisions make us appear stuck up, and that we’ve been unwilling to take other peoples ideas into account. The vast majority of this criticism has been aimed at me. All I can say is that we are doing our best, and that we will have to live with it if those decisions turn out to be poorly thought out ones.
Finally, because I’ve had some time over the last couple of days to think about this, I’d like to talk a little about the largest group of people that will be attending this wedding: my extended family. I am honored to be able to have this group of people attend this important day. I am humbled by their effort to make sure get to this “destination” wedding of sorts. It has been several years since we’ve all been together with any regularity – the odd wedding or funeral or birthday or graduation has brought many of us together over the years, but it’s been a while since I’ve engaged with them. I think that aside from the very real reasons that we’re all busy with our jobs and families, I have consciously disconnected. I’ve wrongfully believed that I am still thought of as a precocious ten-year old. Perhaps they remember me that way, but they don’t currently judge me that way.
Honestly at this moment I don’t know the words I want to say about this, but there is an intention solidifying inside me to start to let my guard down – to put the armor away that I thought had been protecting me for the last 10 years. Really, it has just been keeping me numb and leaving others cold. I can’t change that, but I can try to be more open moving forward.